Big Brother Zasalamel
by Abzan342
Summary: Reality TV from a different view...What do you get when you have twenty four Soul Calibur people in a large mansion for five months? Total chaos! Love, loss, and complete destruction of these character's lives takes place! Chapter 6: The Morning After
1. Welcome to the Jungle

_**Big Brother Zasalamel**_

_Chapter 1-Welcome to the Jungle_

A/N: Since that Character Chats is on hiatus and I'm thinking of ideas for Death's Apprentice at the moment, I decided to lighten the mood a little with yet another gameshow---well, except this time with a different host. I don't know how long this one is going to be, but I'm expecting about twenty five chapters or so; that is, if I'm lucky. Other than that, enjoy!

-Abzanguinaut342

Scene: A small dimly lit room with a leather chair in the center. In the background is a large poster with a logo saying 'Big Brother Zasalamel' on it.

Announcer: And now live, from the middle of nowhere, please welcome...

(A spotlight focuses on the leather chair)

Announcer: The Host of Big Brother Zasalamel...Link from Soul Calibur 2!

(No one shows up)

Announcer: I said..._Link from Soul Calibur 2!_

(Several coughs are heard in the background)(Link enters the room, with a piece of toilet paper on his boot)

Link: What did I miss? (He doesn't notice the toilet paper) I was kinda busy for about fifteen minutes.

Announcer: We can see that...Now, get this show moving!

Link: Whatever...Anyways, let's begin. Welcome, ladies and losers to _Big Brother Zasalamel!_

(Applause)

Link: Thank you, thank you. Moving on, I'll explain the rules. Basically, you have twenty four Soul Calibur characters stuck in a large mansion for five months, and the audience can see what kinds of destruction they can pull on each other! At the end, we'll decide a winner, and that lucky person wins...um, I don't know what that person wins! The producers will have to figure that out at the end. And on a more interesting note_---no weapons! _This is just so nobody beats everybody up during the first five minutes of the show, you know what I mean? Other than that...

(A large screen behind Link turns on)

Link: These were the interviews that were conducted on everybody's opinions on the show!

(The room darkens, and one by one each of the contestant's interviews (well, portions of them) are showed)

Ivy: Well, because this _stupid show_ is in my _stupid mansion,_ _I _should get first dibs on everything!

Xianghua: Yay! I love gameshows! Oh, look, it's a camera! I love cameras! (Xianghua repeatedly pokes the screen and smudges it)

Sophitia: I _do _hope Pyrrha and Patroklos are okay; who will cook for them? And I think I left the stove on all night...

Nightmare: More souls...to collect on Big Brother Zasalamel!

Raphael: Finally, a chance to be with the lovely ladies...and Cassandra! (Gets hit over the head with a shield)

Cassandra: Besides that bastard Raphael, I just want to win the prize and glory of being on this show!

Talim: Wind, help me win on Big Brother Zasalamel!

Tira: I hate gameshows...but at least I love hula hoops!

Yun-Seong: (Sniff)...I want my Mommy! And I wanna win on Big Brother Zasalamel!

Seong Mi-na: Whatever.

Kilik: My destiny is...to win on a crazy gameshow! Mwahahaha!

Cervantes: Yargh! You'll never find me gold! I'll win it on this show, laddies!

Yoshimitsu: Die, everybody! And come join my ninja clan!

Maxi: (while using hairspray) This show better not affect my hairstyle, or else!

Taki: The _only _reason why I'm doing this is so I can kill Mitsurugi!

Setsuka: Life sucks. That is, unless I get the prize money!

Voldo: Grrrrrrrrrrr...

Mitsurugi: Ah, Taki, how I love thee...heheh...

Siegfried: So the real reason why I missed my haircut was to destroy the Soul Edge, defeat Nightmare, and join this fing gameshow?

Olcadan: I'll bite anybody with my beak who thinks I can fly...

Astaroth: I'll crush you all and win the prize money!

Rock: I guess I'll just club random people until they get knocked out...

Necrid: Why am I even here? I'm not even in Soul Calibur 3!

_A/N: If he weren't here, there would be an odd number!_

Zasalamel: Hmph. At least I'm the Big Brother around here...

(The screen dims)

Link: Anyways, that's it, really. Let's go outside to meet the contestants...

_Scene: Outside the Valentine Mansion's front gates. All of the contestants are outside, including their several suitcases as well._

(The contestants are all standing around talking to each other)

(Sophitia, who had been walking around for no good reason, heads over to Nightmare, hoping to strike up a conversation)

Sophitia: So, what do you do for a living?

Nightmare: Collect souls, beat people up, and eat kids.

(Sophitia backs away nervously)

(Meanwhile, Talim and Cervantes are in the middle of a strange conversation)

Siegfried: So, what does Ivy enjoy saying to random guys like myself?

Cervantes: Argh! I'm glad ye asked what me daughter says! Ye can have me booty, but ye can't have me chest!

(Dead silence...)

Siegfried: I'll act like I didn't hear anything...

(Xianghua and Setsuka are busy having another conversation)

Xianghua (repeatedly poking Setsuka): I'm sorry, I have this disease where I like to poke random stuff. You okay with that?

Setsuka: Um, sure, I guess...

(Taki is ready to pop a vein at any moment, that is with the talk she is having with the samurai)

Mitsurugi: Taki, I want to---

Taki: Finish that sentence and you'll be eating through a straw!

Mitsurugi: ---Be with you forever and ever?

(Taki karate chops the back of Mitsurugi's neck and he get knocked out)

Taki: Bastard.

(Maxi is busy combing his hair while talking with a very distressed Ivy)

Maxi: So, have any good stuff in this house? Do you have---

Ivy: ---_No, _I don't have a hair care room.

Maxi: You're a good guesser.

Ivy: Whatever. Just don't swim in my Olympic pool, okay?

Tira: You've got an _Olympic pool?_

Ivy: What of it?

Maxi: Hey, she's just curious. What else have you got here?

Ivy: Shut up, or die!

Tira: Come on! Tell us!

Ivy: Fine. Just don't tell anybody about the billiards room, fighting arena, the sauna, and the hedge maze.

Maxi: Hey, Cassandra!

(Maxi runs over to her, and in a matter of seconds everyone is crowding around Ivy, including Link)

Ivy (ranting): God, my life sucks. My dad is here, my fricking mansion is being used by all these losers, and Mr. Elven Green Shirt is the fricking host of this fricking show!

(While Ivy continues to rant, Link walks over to the front of the gates)

Link: Okay! Everybody here?

Nightmare: Get a move on already before I eat your soul! And Sophitia's kids!

Link: Oh, I'm so scared...Anyways, here I have the list of roommates who you'll be spending five months with!

(Link clears his throat, with everybody looking on nervously)

Link:

Sophitia Alexandra, Nightmare! (Sophitia: No! He'll eat my kids...)

Chai Xianghua, Setsuka! (Setsuka, with Xianghua still poking her: Shit...)

Ivy Valentine, Voldo! (Ivy: My life just got a whole lot worse)

Rock, Necrid!

Cassandra Alexandra, Talim!

Hong Yun-Seong, Tira!

Seong Mi-na, Kilik!

Cervantes de Leon, Olcadan! (Cervantes: I'll show Bird Butt what it mean to be a true fighter! Yargh!)

Yoshimitsu, Astaroth!

Zasalamel, Siegfred Schtauffen!

Maxi, Raphael Sorel! (Maxi: I do hope he has good hair care products...)

And finally, Heishiro Mitsurugi, Taki! (Taki: I'll have to kill him quicker...)

Link: Okay people, let's head on in!

(The gates open behind Link, and all the contestants carry their luggage inside, not knowing what dangers would lie ahead during their stay in the Valentine Mansion).

A/N: Wow, I actually wrote that much in one day...weird. Anyways, this time I decided to try a new writing style that's different from Death's Apprentice; it would be hard to write BBZ if it weren't in this format. I didn't have anyone read over this, so I don't know if there are any errors or not. It wasn't until about the middle of this chapter when I realized that having a reality show with twenty four characters would be rather difficult---and I'm talking _twenty four, _here. Not eight, ten, or fifteen, (like the usual reality show), but _twenty four._ Since that I was pretty close to finishing I decided to just keep going with it. I'll try to make it so every single character has a role; I can't focus on everybody, but I'll do what I can.

-Abzanguinaut342

Note: About Cervantes' saying regarding the 'booty' and the 'chest'...I saw that saying on a shirt in Annapolis, Maryland. I just felt that by seeing Cervantes as a loser it would make things more interesting.


	2. Botox and Bus Stops

_**Big Brother Zasalamel**_

_Chapter 2-Botox and Bus Stops_

_ (A/N: The odd title will be revealed later in the chapter)  
_

Scene: The main foyer of the Valentine Mansion.

(Link enters the room, followed by the 24 contestants)(A camera man trails closely behind him)

Link: And now we're back to yet another episode of Big Brother Zasalamel! Everyone!

(Link turns around and faces the crowd, not noticing that everyone is shocked by the sheer grandeur of the mansion)(Ivy looks pissed)

(Link draws the Master Sword and feigns a swing)(Everyone immediately looks at him)

Link: That's better. Anyways, all of you can go to your rooms now and get set up. Dinner's at seven o'clock and after that we'll be given a tour of the mansion. I've been here for only a few days, so I wouldn't be a good guide.

(Everybody looks at Ivy)

Ivy: W-Wha! Why me?

Link: Well, this _is _your mansion, and you should have the job of showing us around!

Ivy: Fine! But don't expect me to help you in the near future after today!

Link: That's settled. And remember, don't be late! Dinner only comes once a day, after all.

(Link walks up a large staircase to the left, leaving the others behind)

Cassandra: Say, Ivy, where exactly _are _our rooms?

Rock: Good question. I have to get my doll collection unpacked straight away.

Maxi: And my hair's looking a little floppy. I'm in desperate need of hairspray here!

Raphael: Don't we all need hairspray and an unpacked doll collection? I just want to see Ca---

(Sophitia kicks him)

Raphael: Uh..._Cars, the movie! _I have a pirated copy of it on my portable DVD player.

Cervantes: Well don't any of you lads come to me for stolen goods like that!

Ivy: (puts on a strained face) LINK!

(Link runs back into the foyer wearing a bathrobe, a towel turban, and bunny slippers)

Yun-Seong: Man, you're a fast changer.

Link: You people interrupted my bath time just to tell me _that?_

Ivy: No, block head. Explain to everybody here---and I mean _everybody _about where the contestants sleep.

Link: Oh, right. I must've forgotten.

(Ivy rolls her eyes)

Link: Here's what happens. All of the contestants are divided into two teams, and these groups will compete for things such as food, prizes, cash, all that jazz. During each of these competitions, the team that has lost will lose one of their teammates by the end of the week. Here's a scenario: What happens if all of Team A's members are evicted and Team B hasn't lost any players?

(All the contestants are thinking to themselves)(After five minutes, Link gives up on them)

Link: Basically, Team B's players would be divided into two further groups to compete for food, prizes, etc. Understood?

(Everyone looks at Link with an odd expression)

Link: You'll get it eventually. Anyways, I have the list of teams right here:

For Team A:

Zasalamel

Siegfried

Maxi

Raphael

Xianghua

Setsuka

Seong Mi-na

Kilik

Cassandra

Talim

Yun Seong

And Team B:

Sophitia

Nightmare

Taki

Mitsurugi

Ivy

Voldo

Yoshimitsu

Astaroth

Rock

Necrid

Tira

Cervantes

Olcadan

_(A/N: A bit of advice. If you really want to keep track of who is on what team, then you should make a list)_

Link: Each team has their own separate wing in the mansion, and enemy teammates are only allowed into the other dorms on certain circumstances. Lastly, both dorms have common rooms where you can hang out and stuff. Other than that, you're allowed anywhere in the mansion except the opposing team's area.

Tira: And we all thought you were only going to say where everybody sleeps...

(Link stares at her)

Link: Fine! Team A goes up the staircase to the left and Team B goes up the one to the right. Happy?

(Everyone avoids Link's death glare)

Link: Now if you'll excuse me, I have a bubble bath to finish!

(Link prances off up the left staircase in his bunny slippers)(Everyone immediately heads off towards their rooms with their suitcases)(Team A to the left and Team B in the other direction)

(With nothing else to do, Ivy walks over to Sophitia down the East Dorm hallway)

Ivy: Like the place so far?

Sophitia: (dragging her suitcase on wheels using her left hand) Yes, it's a lovely mansion. Few people have large estates in Greece.

Ivy: So most of the people are broke?

Sophitia: Excuse me?

Ivy: I---I mean _broken down?_

Sophitia: Ivy, where are you trying to go with this?

Ivy: Nowhere! I'm just...just...whatever. This isn't my day, anyways.

(The two keep walking, while Tira and Rock are discussing other matters)(Rock has somehow managed to carry three large suitcases with him)

Rock: Um, do you collect Barbie dolls?

Tira: I did when I was a kid. But I ended up cutting Barbie's hair because I wanted her to be a boy.

Rock: Okaaay...

Tira: I was bored! Hey, you'd do the same thing to if you were me.

Rock: So, you collect anything else?

Tira: Sharp hula-hoops. And green hair-dye bottles.

Rock: When I'm not collecting Barbie accessories, I mainly focus on animal pelts.

Tira: Say, you're right! Whenever I fight you in battle you have this large lion/tiger thingy on your head!

Rock: Well, yeah. And it's a funny story about how I got Fluffaduffers in the first place...

_Scene: Valentine West Common Room..._

(A very heated debate is going on between the members of Team A about a Captain to lead their group)

Siegfried: Zasalamel, why don't you be our leader?

Zasalamel: Hell no. Being Big Brother is all I need for now. Maxi, you should lead us!

Maxi: Me? My hair will get ruined in the process! Let's elect a girl!

Xianghua: Hey, why are we involved in this?

Kilik: 'Cause the guys say so, that's why!

(Fists are flying everywhere, the girls are bitch-slapping the guys, Maxi is in the corner of the room hiding his hair, and only Cassandra seems to know what she is doing)

Cassandra: **_HEY!_**

(Everybody stares at her and immediately stops fighting)

Cassandra: Fine! If all of you are gonna be immature about this whole thing, then I'll be Captain!

(For a moment there, nobody says anything)(Seconds later, the room is filled with talk)

Seong Mi-na: Wait! Let's think of a team name to rival that of what Team B has!

Setsuka: I'm with her.

Talim: We should have a wind-themed name!

Raphael: Just don't say that we should be the 'Dust Devils' or the 'Cockeyed Bobs!'

_(A/N: The above names are actual names of winds---hey, I found this info out on google)_

Talim: Okay, then. Cassandra, as leader, what should our team name be?

_Scene: Valentine East Common Room_

Yoshimitsu: We're Team _'Botox Bunny Busters?' _What kind of a sick joke is this?

Ivy: Hey, it wasn't my idea!

Mitsurugi: Yoshi never said it was. But at least our name will be _way _cooler than Team A's.

Taki: I never liked most of the people on that team. Take Talim, for example. Always talking about the wind...She should just be a weather anchor on TV so we can all make fun of her.

Astaroth: That'll be the day.

Tira: Moving on, who _did _think of the Botox Bunny Busters, anyway?

(Dead silence)(After several minutes, Sophitia slowly raises her hand)

Ivy: (standing up) Ha! I always knew it would be you! Miss Goody-Goody strikes again!

Sophitia: Well, can you think of a better name, then?

Ivy: Well...no.

(Ivy sits down dismissively)

Nightmare: Since that Sophitia chose our name, she should be our captain!

Ivy: WHAT? But this is _my mansion, _and here I decide _all the rules, _which include who leads who around here!

Olcadan: Like that'll ever happen. Sophitia, you lead us.

Sophitia: Me? But...okay.

(A large chime echoes thruought the hall)(Sophitia quickly glances at the clock on the common room wall)

Sophitia: Well, that settles it. Team, move out!

(Everyone obeys Sophitia's order and files out of the common room)

_Scene: Valentine West Commons_

(The same chime heard by the Botox Bunny Busters is heard by Cassandra's team)

Seong Mi-na: Dinner already? We haven't even thought of a good name yet!

Kilik: We can worry about that later. Let's just go to dinner and act like we know what we're doing.

Cassandra: Okay, let's go, team!

(No one moves)

Yun Seong: Make us!

Siegfried: Yun's right. Why should we obey you?

Cassandra: Because...because...

Setsuka: Can't think of a good reason, can you?

Cassandra: FINE!

(She stands up out of her chair)

Cassandra: If Link asks me where everyone is, then I'll tell him all of you are skiving off dinner!

(Without warning, everyone gets up and runs past Cassandra, trampling her in the process)(She sits up off the ground, getting dust out of her hair)

Cassandra: Why me? This is gonna be a _long _stay here...

_Scene: Grand Dining Room, 6:10 PM_

Link: Cassandra! So glad you could join us!

(Cassandra stumbles in, her hair ruffled and dust all over her)(Her team sniggers at her and Sophitia's team looks at her curiously)

Cassandra: Sorry, I had some..._issues _to deal with.

(Cassandra sits down next to Link, who is sitting at the head of the table)

Link: So, did everyone meet with their teams?

(There are nods among everyone)

Link: Good, good. And did Teams A and B come up with names?

Sophitia: My team did, Link!

Link: Ah, so Sophitia's captain of Team B!

(Cassandra looks miffed)

Link: And your team is...

Sophitia: We're the _Botox Bunny Busters! _Feel our wrath, Team A! Mwahahaha!

(Dead silence...)(Kilik discreetly takes out his cellphone and saves the number for the nearby asylum, in case Sophitia acts loony in the future)

Sophitia: Eheheh...

(She sits down)

(Cassandra suddenly bursts out laughing)

Cassandra: _Seriously, _Sophie! What kind of a sick name is that?

Sophitia: Then what is _your _team name?

(Cassandra's face blanches)

Cassandra: We're...we're uh...We're...the _Bumpity Bus Stops!_

(After a few seconds, everyone in the room bursts out into laughter, including Link)

Link: Cassandra? That's your team name?

Cassandra: Yeah, so what?

Link: Did any of your teammates know about this?

Cassandra: Well, no.

Xianghua: (poking her salad with her fork) Link, we had nothing to do with this!

Raphael: She has a point, you know. Casssandra thought of the name all by herself.

Link: Right. Anyways, starting tomorrow the Bumpity Bus Stops and the Botox Bunny Busters will face in a head on match! The prize has yet to be decided.

Voldo: Grrrrr...Details...

Link: Good thinking. The match will take place at high noon tomorrow in the kitchen!

Cervantes: Haven't ye forgotten about lunch?

Link: Trust me, you won't be eating any tomorrow! That is, none of you will want to...

(Without question, everyone continues eating)(The rest of dinner is pretty uneventful, except when Cassandra tries to hit Sophitia using mashed potatoes and a spoon)(Instead, a large painting of Ivy gets hit)

Ivy: Cassandra you block head! You'll be paying for that when this is over!

Cassandra: Sorry, but you should blame Sophitia instead for being a sufferable know-it-all!

Sophitia: Say that to my face, bitch!

(Much to the Link and the other guys' pleasure, Sophitia and Cassandra cat fight on the table)

Ivy: STOP!

(Sophitia had Cassandra in a headlock and was ready to pull her hair out)(She stops suddenly, not letting go of Cassandra)

Ivy: That's it! Dinner is officially over! First my painting is ruined and then you two

(Link snaps out of his trance and quickly wipes drool from his mouth)

Link: You heard her! Everyone in the foyer now!

(Without warning, everyone gets up and leaves the dining hall)(Link is the last one there)

Link: I love my job...

Wow...I don't think I've ever written _that _much in three or so days...Anyways, 10,000 apologies for the long wait, but with me being at camp and everything I couldn't get stuff done. And I had no idea that I'd have further tennis lessons _after _camp, so getting chapters done was hard. Well, whatever. That's in the past now, and I'll continue to work on other chapters in the future.

-Abzanguinaut342


	3. Real Entertainment

_**Some Real Entertainment**_

Cassandra couldn't believe it. First she had heard that her older sister Sophitia as the captain of the opposing team, then she had been ridiculed when she said her team's name, and then she got into a catfight with Sophitia resulting in a ruined painting of Ivy in the dining room.

"Cassandra, you coming?" Link called to Cassandra, who was still sitting down in her chair in the dining room. She wasn't aware that anyone had left. "Ivy's gonna give us a tour."

"Coming." She slowly got up out of her seat and trudged out of the room with a servant shutting the large door behind her.

"And if you look to your left..." Ivy was showing the whole crowd a large painting of her in the ballroom. "You'll see a large picture of me from several years ago in a Larry Ventton dress."

"I'll bet that was taken after she slept around with some guy." Yun Seong whispered to Kilik sniggering. "That's why in the painting she's smiling."

"Hey! May there be one conversation only!" Ivy called out loud, startling the two men.

"Sorry your ladyship." Kilik answered, trying not to look at Ivy.

"Moving on, if all of you would follow me..." Ivy led the unenthusiastic group over to the balcony overlooking the library.

Ivy may have been so far doing an okay job of showing around her mansion, however she was failing miserably at keeping the group in check.

Even Link had trouble paying attention to Ivy's ramblings about her estate. He needed some real entertainment in order to stay awake.

_"Things would be way cooler if no one knew where anything was; people would get lost all the time." _Link thought to himself while trying not to fall asleep as Ivy lectured the group of a gigantic marble statue of her.

_"Hm..." _Link looked around the room. Who did he think was the most gullible of the characters? His eyes then rested on the back of Xianghua's head.

Xianghua wasn't really paying attention. Instead she had noticed something buzzing around Ivy's head.

_"Jackpot." _Link quietly strode over to Xianghua.

"Link, what is it?" She whispered quietly in Link's ear.

"Xianghua," Link began, slowly moving Xianghua over to an empty wall away from the group. "I've heard Ivy has a large ice cream bar in the basement. Wanna find it?"

"Ice cream? ICE CREAM ICE CREAM ICE CREAM ICE CREAM!"

Everyone immediately stared at an ice-cream-crazy two year old named Chai Xianghua. For a second there, Link thought he saw a vein poking out of Ivy's forehead.

"Link..." Ivy began, shaking. "Is there a problem?"

"No, uh, your British-lady-with-a-whip...ness."

"Riiight. Come on, people! It's about time I showed you my hentai collection. Follow me!" All the guys stared up at her; seeing Ivy in a hentai collection was a dream come true. While Ivy led everyone down a narrow hallway, Link decides to take advantage of Xianghua once more.

"Xianghua, so are you gonna find the ice cream room?" Link asked grinning slightly.

"What do I get for all this?"

"Well, you get loads and loads of ice cream."

_"And?" _

_"And _I'll let you poke me nonstop all day tomorrow." Of course this wasn't true, Link thought to himself. He'd just avoid her or find a way to get her kicked out early.

"Okie-dokey!" Xianghua squealed, looking in all directions. "Where do I go?"

"Down _that _hallway." Link pointed out, showing her a dimly-lit hallway.

"Okay! Bye-bye, Link!" Xianghua pranced down the dark hallway.

_"This isn't right." _Link thought to himself humorously. He looked at the other group with interest_. "I can't wait to see the look on Ivy's face when she hears Xianghua's missing..."_


	4. Xianghua Hunting

_**Xianghua Hunting**_

Xianghua had been walking around for over half an hour, yet even a gullible person like her noticed that instead of ice cream everywhere, there were strange potions, double-edged swords, leather whips, handcuffs, limb-stretchers, and a large sign on a wall that said, 'Hall of Dangerous and Kinky Alchemist Weapons.'

While Xianghua was looking around, there were four people with her. Two of those people had no idea that the other two were in the same room.

A large metal cage caught her attention earlier, with a strange-looking creature inside. Its large, beady yellow eyes were gazing up at Xianghua curiously.

One of the four people started to walk over to Xianghua, and the animal began to growl maliciously.

A loud and deafening scream rang throughout the mansion.

_Twenty minutes earlier..._

_"I can't wait to see the look on Ivy's face when she hears Xianghua's missing..."_

_That_ was what Link had thought after he sent Xianghua off earlier. Now, he had wished that had never happened.

"You did _what _Link!?" Ivy screamed in Link's scared-looking face, while holding the Valentine Whip close to his neck. Well, anyone would be scared if a mad whip-holding woman in a skimpy dress was yelling in their face.

"I-Ivy, I...I just---"

Ivy grabbed Link by his tunic collar and held him up several inches.

_"Yes?" _Ivy said in her most dangerous voice. "Where did you send her, Link?"

Link reluctantly pointed down the hallway where Xianghua was last seen.

The Briton threw Link down and paced around the room, while being watched from all of the housemates.

"What are you thinking, Ivy?" Zasalamel asked curiously.

"I'm deciding what to do next. What did you _think _I was thinking about?"

Zasalamel looked at his boots without saying a word. Ivy continued to pace around the silent room.

After a couple minutes, Ivy eventually stopped pondering.

"Okay, here's the deal." Ivy turned around and faced the crowd. "But first of all, here's---"

A loug ringtone was heard, making everyone in the vicinity jump. Kilik quickly reached into his pocket and pulled out his cellphone, with Ivy glaring at him dismissively.

"Sorry!" Kilik said hastily. "Hello? Ah yes, hi Victor. You've kind of caught me at a bad time, but don't worry it's---what? It's escaped? Okay..."

He quickly walked out of the room, with everyone looking at him as he left. Ivy rolled her eyes and continued with her conversation.

"Anyways..." Ivy continued, "Here is the information about what truly happened. Ladies and gentleman, thanks to this...this..."

She turned around again and gave Link a dark look.

"This _scum juicer..._A very valuble member of the Big Brother Zasalamel reality tv show has been lost in the darkness of the abyss..."

"Darkness of the abyss!?" Necrid blurted out loud. "Cut the crap and just get to the point."

"In other words, Xianghua has gotten herself lost in my basement."

No one moved. Instead, everyone burst out into laughter.

"You've got to be kidding me." Maxi commented loudly, while grinning at Raphael.

"None of us could agree with me daughter, laddies!" Cervantes said, tugging on the side of his pirate hat.

"And to think that I _dated _that blunder head for one month!" Kilik (who had just returned to the group from his phone call) exclaimed loudly. "One month!"

"Excuse me, everyone." Ivy said loudly. "The next person to speak out will---"

"---I mean, seriously!" Yun Seong roared, causing everyone to stop suddenly. "Of course that block head got herself lost! She can't tell the difference between a duck and a pencil!"

Ivy stared at him incredulously.

"Yun Seong, thank you for volunteering." She answered simply.

"But---but for what?" He stammered.

"Link will tell everyone now." Ivy said, glaring at Link, who was still on the floor. "Right, Link?"

"Of course. For the sake of things, right now we're going to have a practice showdown. Okay!"

Link stood up, and quickly took off his hat and dusted it clean.

"I'd like everyone from Team Botox Bunny Busters to go to my right and Team Bumpity Bus Stops to my left." Link proclaimed, gesturing his hands out towards the ballroom.

Within a couple minutes or so, the housemates had all filed to their places.

"Here's the deal. To start I'd like each of the teams to pick a representative from the opposing team. I'll explain what's going on after that."

Both teams then conversed with each other to pick a representative.

The only problem was, however, no one was sure who to pick. Several minutes later, neither teams had agreed on a candidate.

"Okay, everyone!" Link announced. "Has each team picked a rep?"

No one said a word.

"If that's the case, then _I'll_ have to pick." Link told the housemates. "Okay, I'm gonna say something and if you match that trait, then you have to sit down. The two people who are remaining will be sent out along with Yun Seong. Capiche?"

There were murmurs among the group, and Link began.

"If you're Asian, then please sit down."

Maxi, Setsuka, Yoshimitsu, Taki, Mitsurugi, Seong Mi-na, and Talim all sat. Apparently, Xianghua wasn't paying attention and Mitsurugi had to drag her down with him. Yun Seong didn't sit down, since that he was already being forced to hunt Xianghua in Ivy's labyrinth of a basment.

"Hey Maxi," Talim asked curiously. "Since when were you Asian?"

"I'm from India, okay? But how're _you _Asian?"

"I'm really Filipino. You have anything against us?"

"Hello! One conversation only!" Link scolded. "Moving on, if your favorite movie character is Captain Jack Sparrow from Pirates of the Caribbean then sit now!"

This whole game went on for a good fifteen minutes or so, until only three people were left; Sophitia, Ivy, and Cassandra.

"And here's the next question," Link began, "If you hate St. Patrick's Day, then---"

"Dammit!" Ivy muttered under her breath as she kneeled on the floor.

"Well, well, well..." Link said, slightly amused. "Once again, the two Greek godesses of the household are back together!"

Cassandra and Sophitia quickly glared at one another; neither one of them were enjoying this moment.

"So, for this round it'll be Cassandra and Yun Seong against Sophitia..."

He stopped suddenly.

"Link?" Ivy asked impatiently. "You still there?"

"Err...so, it's just Sophitia against these---"

"Where'd you get that idea? You'll be joining Sophitia."

"What!? But---"

"Quit your whining, dammit! You're in this till the very end, _scum juicer,_ and you know it!"

"Fine." Link marched over to where Sophitia was standing and faced Ivy once more. "But this isn't the end, Ivy. I'll be back!"

"Link, aren't you gonna explain the rest of the rules?" Mitsurugi asked innocently.

"Right, thanks for reminding me. Anyways, each team has exactly half an hour to find Xianghua and get back into the ballroom. If neither teams can find their way back or Xianghua, then they'll---"

"--have to find their way back on their own." Ivy interrupted rudely.

"What!?"

"You heard me, elf. You're on your own after half an hour. And bear in mind that I have my dogs patrolling the mansion at night to prevent any trouble; they love the color green, too."

Link gritted his teeth and faced in the direction of the hallway.

"Shall we?" he asked Sophitia.

"Of course. Let's show my sister what it means to be at the top!"

"I heard that!" Cassandra complained loudly, facing her partner. "Ready, Yun Seong?"

"If you say so."

Cassandra looked back to where Sophitia and Link were standing. But there was a slight problem.

"Hey! They're gone!"

"Well thanks to you," Yun Seong began, "they've gone on ahead!"

"Dammit quit talking, let's go!"

As _Team Cassandra_ ran off down the dark hallway, no one else moved.

"What's a _scum juicer?" _Olcadan asked with curiosity. Ivy glared at him, while everyone filed out.

_Team Sophitia _

_(28 minutes left)_

Sophitia and Link had taken a separate path from Cassandra and Yun Seong, and right now they were running down a hallway that seemed endless.

"Why...why'd I've have to get me involved in this!?" Link complained angrilly. "I'm the Host!"

"Remember, she could get you fired. I'd obey her if I were you."

A grotesque (yet slightly interesting) image of whips, black leather, handcuffs, and more bondage came into Link's head. He shuddered, not wanting to know the rest.

Link and Sophitia turned a corner and found themselves in a most peculiar room.

"Oh, fck me..." Link moaned.

This room would have looked perfectly normal, however posters of models from _Playwithme _magazine and cardboard statues everywhere prevented this.

Just as Link thought things were getting interesting, Sophitia dragged him by the ear out of the room and into another hallway.

"Link, we're looking for Xianghua, not looking at _Playwithme _sluts..."

"What!? But---"

"Just shut up and let's go!"

_Team Cassandra_

_(21 minutes left)_

"I can't believe this." Yun Seong complained. "We must have seen most of Ivy's basement, and she still didn't put in a plasma tv and a whole collection of video games!"

Cassandra and Yun Seong weren't having much luck, either. But instead of finding a room with _Playwithme _Playmates, they were in a room that only included one object. A giant refrigerator.

"Hey, let's open it!" Yun Seong said loudly.

"I don't know..." And of course, Yun Seong disobeyed her and ran to the fridge. He opened it, and found a large potato gun.

"I wonder what Ivy uses this for." Yun Seong picked up the gun and held it up. "What does she do, make dinner with this?"

"Well, if she were feeding a giant, then yeah."

Cassandra walked to the end of the room.

"Let's bring that. _Any _chance of being able to hit Sophitia with that would make my day."

_Team Sophitia_

_(17 minutes left)_

"Want a carrot, Sophitita?"

"What!?"

Link and Sophitia had stumbled on yet another room with food. This time, it was filled with barrels upon barrels of carrots. Things just got more weird as the two trekked on through Ivy's basement.

Once again, Sophitia pulled Link out of the room and entered another hallway.

"Seriously, Sophie, what's with you these days?" Link asked while trying to keep up with Sophitia's pace.

Sophitia opened her mouth to speak, but didn't get to say a word. They had just found Xianghua.

Xianghua was standing in the middle of the room, while looking into a giant cage. The cage didn't have to be giant, because there was a small white rabbit inside

"Xianghua, there you are!" Link exclaimed loudly. "Where have you been this whole time?"

"Well, since that I couldn't get any ice cream, I've found myself a new pet. His name is the Evil Bunny Rabbit of Doom."

Sophitia and Link stared at her blankly.

"He doesn't look _that _evil..." Answered Sophitia, slightly amused.

"It says so on his collar." Xianghua pointed to the EBRD's collar, and sure enough her claim was true.

"But Ivy told me once that he's perfectly harmless."

Just as Sophitia stepped over to where Xianghua was, something she didn't expect happened.

As she moved, a loud and deafening scream rang throughout the mansion.

_Team Cassandra_

_(Ten minutes before...)_

Much to Cassandra's sheer amazement, she had actually found Xianghua minutes before her sister did. Yun Seong didn't care one way or another. All he wanted to do was get out of Ivy's basement.

But from Cassandra's perspective, just getting Xianghua back to the ballroom would be too easy. Wouldn't it be so much fun if she could set a trap for Sophitia when she and Link came?

"Okay Xianghua, just stand by the cage. Yun Seong and I will take care of the rest."

Not being the sharpest knife out there, Xianghua obeyed Cassandra. Both Yun Seong and Cassandra took their places behind a large statue and waited.

_Ten minutes later..._

Sophitia had been through a lot of interesting experiences in her life. One of those events would include getting thrown by Cassandra into a bread oven and her husband having to fetch her out. Another involved accidentally getting hit by the Greek God Zeus' thunderbolt and Cassandra laughing her head off about the whole thing. It seemed that most of Sophitia's problems revolved around her younger sister.

What had just taken place also seemed to involve Cassandra, too.

But Sophitia wasn't the only one who screamed. In fact, at the exact moment Sophitia cried out so did Link, Xianghua, Cassandra, and Yun Seong.

"What...what the hell just happened!?" Link cried out after screaming bloody murder.

"That nutshell named Yun Seong just hit you with a potato gun..." Sophitia answered, while gritting her teeth. "Cassandra, why'd you scream?"

"Because Yun Seong missed! But I don't know why he screamed---"

"It's because _you _were about to hit me!" Yun Seong answered distainfully.

"And I screamed because I almost got hit..." Sophitia told. "But why'd Xianghua scream?"

Everyone immediately looked at her.

"I screamed because the Evil Bunny Rabbit of Doom escaped." The EBRD was on the floor, and looking up at everyone.

At least, it _was _looking up at everyone. Right at that moment it was latched onto Yun Seong's leg, growling loudly.

"Hey, uh, Xianghua...I thought you told Sophitia earlier that this thing was harmless..."

"Did I say that?" Xianghua answered blankly. "Oh, right. It's opposite day today!"

No one moved. Well, except for Yun Seong who was trying to get away from the ERBD.

"Run!" Link cried out, snatching the potato gun from Yun Seong's hands and dragging Xianghua behind him.

"Oh no you don't!" Cassandra grabbed Xianghua from him and sped out of the room with Yun Seong.

But neither teams had really left the other behind.

Ivy had made sure of that. And at the wrong moment, too.

Link had thought she was a demon of some sort and used the potato gun on her.

"LIIIIIINK!!!"

A/N: For some reason I had trouble writing this chapter. When I was about halfway through, I didn't feel writing about Xianghua getting lost in the abyss of Ivy's basement was a good idea. But I managed to pull through (writing Ch5 before Ch4 helped) and finished. Well, I didn't really describe the search scenes in great detail, due to finger cramps and wanting to finish and move on.

-Abzan342

Note: I'm actually really bad at action scenes, so don't expect any more to come later on)


	5. Settled In?

_**Settled In?**_

**Disclaimer: **If I owned the SC series, I wouldn't be typing stuff up. I'd create a show with all the characters on reality tv, just like BBZ. But that's just me.

_**Note: **In this episode and future ones to come, characters will be 'interviewed' in the 'interview room,' just like other reality shows, fake or what not._

_Example: _

_Cassandra: You know, I've always compared Sophitia to a psychaiatrist; she _tries _to help out with people's issues, even though no one knows what the hell she's talking about. _

_(She doesn't actually say that quote, but whatever)._

_-Abzan342_

* * *

"And _what_ do you promise to the Grand Duchess of the Marvelous and Kinky Valentine Mansion?---hey, answer me!" Ivy yelled to the bored group of housemates, stomping her boot against the hardwood floor. She was in a dangerous fit; everything that she hoped would _not _take place happened. For example, the whole idea of a group of idiots nearly wrecking her basement really ticked her off. 

Ivy had been lecturing the group for over an hour about 'The Politics of NOT Wrecking One's Large Mansion' in her office. While lecturing everyone, she was keeping the Evil Bunny Rabbit of Doom company. She must have been the only deity in the universe who could handle the EBRD without trouble.

But at the same time, she had failed to realize that no one in the room except her had the faintest idea of what she was talking about.

"We promise we'll never ever go down into the basement and play with the dangerous weapons and kinky objects again..." Link, Xianghua, Sophitia, Cassandra, and Yun Seong recited all at once.

"Very good, children. Anything else you want to tell to your teacher?"

No one said anything.

_"Speak up, dammit!"_

"And whenever we do something bad again to your house we will address you by the Grand Duchess of the Marvelous and Kinky Valentine Mansion." Everyone answered monotonously, except for Xianghua. She was staring at Ivy blankly, with drool starting to come out of her mouth. Cassandra kicked her lightly, which caused Xianghua to stand up suddenly. But no one in the room expected Xianghua to scream bloody murder.

"AHH! My pineapple sundae's been stolen by the Evil Bunny Rabbit of Doom!!!"

Everyone in the room stared at Xianghua, speechless. Ivy cleared her throat loudly and continued on.

"I can not understand why a block head such as _yourself _wouldn care_." _Ivy answered cooly, standing up out of her seat and moving to the door. "All of you are dismissed."

_Xianghua: I guess I am a block head. After all, I do love to make stuff with building blocks and knock them down with my head. They're the same things, right?_

Just as Link and Cassandra stood up, Ivy spoke again.

"Keep in mind that any further violations of the rules will result in..." Ivy started, looking at Sophitia and Cassandra. "...Let's say, the loss of one's captaincy."

The two sisters glanced at each other briefly, still remembering their rivalries with one another. Both girls absolutely savored the idea of getting the other kicked out for good.

"And _Link, _I haven't forgotten about youKeep in mind that I have all the phone numbers of the producers and the editor of this show. One phone call could get you fired."

Link grimaced slightly, while Yun Seong grinned behind Ivy's back.

"I've kept you lot for too long. Get out, all of you! Curfew is in half an hour."

Ivy wedged everyone outside the office, and slammed the double doors behind her.

"How the _hell_ does she have the phone numbers of all of Big Brother Zasalamel's producers!? And editor?" Link asked angrily, walking with Sophitia ahead of the three others.

"Well, duh. She sleeps with them." Sophitia answered in a typical 'know-it-all' voice.

"But the editor's female, she can't sleep with her."

"Fine, everyone except the editor."

It took at least ten minutes to get from Ivy's office to the grand staircase that led to the dormitories. All Link wanted to do was watch tv for several hours and sleep; he wasn't in the best mood for having a conversation with Sophitia.

"Well, at least the only thing I have to worry about is getting kicked out of here." Yun Seong mocked loudly behind Link and Sophitia. "But if it weren't for a certain Asian dipshit none of us would be in Ivy's office!"

"Hey, quick the backtalk!" Cassandra scolded. "Ivy can get you arrested, remember?"

"Why, 'cause she sleeps with all the Scotland Yard's officers?"

"What else?" Cassandra answered dismissively. "Just keep your mouth shut."

"I am _so _sorry, Captain." Yun Seong answered sarcastically. "But you have to admit, all Asian people these days are idiots, right?"

"Wake up and smell the fried gyros. You're Asian too, remember?" Cassandra sped up her pace a little bit, but Yun Seong caught up with her.

"Since when? I've trained in the Middle East with what's-her-face for most of my life!"

"Miss 'what's-her-face' is Seong-Mina," Cassandra answered darkly. "And you're also Korean!"

"But at least _I'm _not an elf, unlike some people around here."

"Watch it, bucko." Link answered angrily, turning his head around as he kept walking. "Today you've messed with the wrong people, and you're only making those around you angrier!"

"Oh look, _Elphie's _getting pissed!" Yun Seong mocked, circling around Link as he paced down the hall.

"For your information, _Elphie's _the nickname of the main character in Wicked---and she's not even an elf!"

Everyone looked at him, their mouths somewhat open.

"You know, the Broadway play?"

"What's Broadway?" Sophitia asked curiously.

"The editor told me about it, but I still don't know much." Link answered, walking on.

For a good several minutes no one said anything. That is, if you ignored the high pitched squeals of Xianghua admiring the paintings in the dimly lit hallway.

Yun Seong decided to break the silence early.

"But you gotta admit, though. Asians are really---"

Cassandra whipped around and looked at Yun Seong dangerously. Sophitia and Link stopped walking, and even Xianghua paused to see what the commotion was all about.

"Just...just shut up, okay!?" Cassandra answered coldly, and trying not to kill Yun Seong with her bare hands. "If _only _you could take your mouth off of autopilot..."

"Why is everyone yelling at each other?" Xianghua asked stupidly.

"It involves an_ idiot named Yun Seong..._" Cassandra began, trying not to laugh at the glaring Korean behind her. "Who happens to be _racist _about Asians, even though he is one."

"Y-you'll take that back!" Yun Seong answered with malice. "Someday, I swear it!" They had reached the Grand Staircase, and without warning Yun Seong ran in the direction of the West dormitory.

Cassandra sighed, and walked in the direction of her room along with Xianghua.

"Hey, what was the middle part again?" Xianghua asked.

_Cassandra: Probably the only _sane _thing I've known is my cat, even though he was flattened by a pita bread cart back in Athens. Come to think of it, I've never known any humans who are mentally stable. At _this _rate, our society will be taken over by aliens and they'll use our brains to fuel their spaceships...something like that._

* * *

Cassandra entered the Bumpity Bus Stops' common room, looking around. Zasalamel was playing a game on his PXP, Siegfried was sitting the couch while Maxi braided his long hair, Raphael could be seen lounging on the red carpet, Xianghua was poking at a very annoyed Setsuka, Seong-Mina was staring off into space, and Talim and Yun Seong were playing cards. 

It wasn't until Cassandra took another step in when everyone noticed her.

"We all missed you, Cassandra." Raphael told her, kneeling on the plush rug by the fireplace. "You look awfully tired. Relax and join me on the carpet."

He patted down on the spot next to him, but Cassandra ignored Raphael because of Setsuka's sardonic grin at her.

"Was Ivy's office _fun?" _Setsuka asked sarcastically. "Did the Grand Duchess of the Marvelous and Kinky Valentine Mansion give you any trouble?"

"Hey, how'd you hear about that?"

"Xianghua told her earlier." Talim answered simply, while Kilik nodded. Cassandra turned around and received a lop-sided grin from the Chinese sword fighter.

"I'm sure Ivy gave you a hard time; you deserved it." Setsuka told coldly, walking out of the room. Xianghua tried to follow her, but Setsuka slammed the door in her face.

Raphael walked over to Cassandra and put a hand on her shoulder.

"She doesn't mean it, okay? Setsuka's always been bitchy." said Raphael, massaging Cassandra's shoulder slightly.

"The _last_ time anyone touched my shoulder, their head was found on a pike and the rest of their body parts were fed to rabid squirrels...on crack!" Cassandra retorted, taking Raphael's hand off her.

"Now if you'll excuse me," Cassandra finished, not looking behind her, "I'm going to my room early before curfew."

_Raphael: What on earth did I say? I mean, we don't know each other that well, but I had to do something! Besides, she has such nice shoulders. Hey, you'd touch her too if you were me!_

* * *

"And that's when he says, 'But at least _I'm _not an elf, unlike some people around here.'" I mean, Yun Seong's so racist about other people, but when it comes to Asians it's a whole other story. 

For most of the evening Team Botox Bunny Busters was poking fun at the opposing team, with the humor mainly on Xianghua and Yun Seong.

"What happened next?" Tira asked while leaning against the fireplace.

"Well, Link got real pissed at Yun Seong, who then dubbed Link as 'Elphie' the elf!"

After several more bouts of laughter, the room calmed down slightly.

"We should definitely call Link that from now on." said Taki, sprawled on the floor after Sophitia's hysterical comments. "That'll really tick him off."

"Ye got that right, matey!" Cervantes answered, sitting on the couch and fiddling with his peg leg.

Before continuing, Sophitia paced around the room while being watched by her fellow housemates.

"Someone told me earlier that whenever you see an Asian person anywhere, you can assume that they're pretty bright." Sophitia told everyone who was listening. "But when it comes to Xianghua and Yun Seong, they're a disgrace to our civilization."

Just as the grandfather clock stuck nine, Ivy abruptly entered the room.

"Okay, people! You heard the clock, your curfew just ended! Everyone needs to be in their rooms in ten minutes!"

Not wanting anything _unfortunate _to happen, people stood up and began to walk out of the room.

"You have to admit, though," Sophitia began, "That Yun Seong is just as idiotic as Xianghua! How many Asian people out there are racist about their own kind?"

"For a second there, I thought you were just talking about racist Asians." Interrupted Yun Seong. Everyone in the common room stared at him as if he was some sort of alien on drugs.

"What are you doing here?" Mitsurugi questioned, standing up along with some other people.

"Well, it _is _curfew, _and _Tira and I are roommates."

"Meaning what, exactly?" Rock asked, beginning to advance on Yun Seong.

"We sleep in the same room, of course."

"But you're part of Team Bumpity Bus Stops! And you're in hostile territory!" said Ivy.

"Link told me earlier that I'd be residing in the East Dorm, and I can only come here to be in my room."

"Then _why _are you in our common room?" Necrid answered, followed by mutterings around him.

"Grrrrrrr..." Voldo _grrrr_-ed.

Yun Seong quickly stepped out, almost hitting his head on the door frame.

"Right...I forgot, sorry."

The others glared at him suspiciously, but continued to file out towards their rooms.

* * *

Setsuka never liked Xianghua, but after she found out she had the poking disease she'd thought of quitting. But with the Chinese airhead as her roommate, things changed fast. 

"Mmm..." Setsuka moaned lustfully. "Yes, that's the spirit. Do it a little harder, now."

"Yes, master." Xianghua obeyed, pushing a little faster.

"Damn, you're not bad as my roommate. Do this every night for me...before bedtime, okay?"

"I'm at your service, master."

As said earlier, things _could _change without warning.

"Hey!" Kilik shouted from outside the door. "Whatever you're doing, shut up in there!"

"Just a minute, Kilik." Setsuka moaned, annoyed. "Do it faster now...Yes, _yes!_ Ah, ah, ah, ah---"

**_"What the hell is going on!?" _**Kilik burst into their room, pretty sure he knew what was going on between Xianghua and Setsuka. He was wrong.

Setsuka was lying face down on the bed, with Xianghua next to her. Xianghua's finger on her back, and was staring up at Kilik, motionless.

"What did you _think _was going on!?" Setsuka yelled with malice, getting off the bed. "You disturbed my 'Finger Massage!"

_Kilik: I swear to god, with the two of them making too much noise in their room, I thought they were...were...dammit, you know! Geez, whenever I investigate something I think is important it always backfires somehow._

Kilik nervously backed away from Setsuka towards the door

"B-but I thought---"

"Out! OUT!"

* * *

While unpacking quietly, Cassandra managed to ignore the loud yelling outside the hall. Talim was busy hanging up a poster on her side of the room. 

"What poster is that?" Cassandra asked curiously while putting away several pairs of shoes.

"The movie Weather or Not. Have you seen it?"

"I've never heard of that, actually."

"I didn't think so. Not many people have seen it."

"Why not?" Cassandra turned around to face her roommate properly.

"Well, the movie's only about the weather. Besides, the critics on gave it a 0 out of 100.

"Oh, uh...that's a shame."

Cassandra plopped on her bed, sighing slightly.

"Wanna watch it sometime?"

"I guess..."

"I'm changing the subject now, but wasn't it a blustery day today?"

_Cassandra: I've classified everyone I know on certain levels. Right now Talim's borderline between the lowest levels, 'Mental Psychopath' and 'Fresh off the Funny Farm.' So far the only real ones from the Funny Farm around here are Sophitia and Xianghua, but that's off topic._

* * *

"Die mother fcker, just die mother fcker, we're all gonna die mother fcker...Oh, yeah just die---" 

_"Hey!"_ Tira yelled, grabbing her roommate Yun Seong by the shoulder.

"What?" He took off his headphones, even though the music was still playing.

"Could you just turn that crap off?! Even for one second?"

"Make me."

_Yun Seong: Tira obviously doesn't realize the pleasure of listening to 'Die, Die, Die.' Man, Skullfck a Fish can sure write some awesome lyrics, no matter how depressing they are. Some roommate _she's_ gonna be._

* * *

Things weren't going well for Voldo and Ivy, either. 

"Here is the ground rule." She had made a duct tape border between her bed and Voldo's.

She cut the tape at the end and added, "Cross this line and you'll be drinking through a straw."

"Grrrrrrr..."

_Ivy: If I didn't make up that rule, who knows what he'd do!_

"Hey, what's that?" Ivy asked, pointing at something that was sticking out of Voldo's suitcase. "Wait a minute, isn't that a Rocabling jack---"

"GRRRRRRRR!"

"Whoa, sorry I even asked."

Ivy walked out of the room quickly, not noticing that Voldo stealthily moved out after she did, taking his 'Rocabling Jacket' along.

* * *

"Come on, Tak!" Mitsurugi told his pissed roommate, who had her back turned on the samurai. "We'll get along!" 

"As if." Taki answered hotly. "Call me Tak again and I'll---"

"Do what? Kill me? You've failed at that too many times."

She frowned at him distastefully and sat down on her bed. "Just shut up."

"Hey! Turn that frown upside down!" said Mitsurugi, grinning.

Taki gave him the upside down finger.

"Turn _this _upside down."

* * *

"Okay people!" Link announced using a loudspeaker in his room. "It's lights out now! Remember, breakfast is at 8:00 and the first group activity will be at 11:30 in the kitchen! Nighty night, then!" 

_Link: Yeah, that day was really long. From Sophitia and Cassandra's brawl to Ivy boring me to death, things will get even more interesting tomorrow._

* * *

A/N: This chapter where the personalities of some people are being displayed, and I'll continue to exploit more later on. 

For pretty much every single chapter I pick five characters (for example Xianghua, Link, Yun Seong, Sophitia, and Cassandra), and they are the main focus points throughought the chapter.

Also, if you're a big fan of Xianghua and Yun Seong, then I must apologize. This is the only real chapter where they're made fun of and criticized.

Then again, that _could _change... ;)

-Abzan342


	6. The Morning After

_**Chapter 6: The Morning After**_

"What the _hell _do you want?" Taki asked tiredly, trying to prevent her head from falling into a bowl of cereal with milk. "The last thing I need right now is for you to talk to me."

"I'm just saying good morning, that's all." Mitsurugi answered innocently. "Guess you should go to bed earlier, Tak. Maybe then you wouldn't be so tired."

As Mitsurugi walked down the long dining room table, Taki rolled her eyes after him.

_Taki: Even if that weirdo _does _care about me, how can I do the same for him? After all, he's nosy, annoying, freakazoid samurai poser who also needs a serious ego-beating. I just wish he'd leave me alone for a good while or so...but I don't know if that's even possible._

Down the long table, other various conversations were being held. While most of the housemates were discussing the past day, many were quite annoyed at Link's 8am wake up call. Which, of course, was the sound of a deafening airhorn in everyone's rooms via loudspeaker.

"Even though this is my mansion, Elphie still won't let me get an extra minute of sleep." Ivy complained loudly to Zasalamel and Kilik who were sitting nearby while picking up a pear from a nearby bowl. "I swear to god if I have to wake up each morning at eight o'clock for five more months then I'll just have to sleep outside! But then again, there's not much I can do now. And a word of advice to both of you. Don't even _bother _to sleep in if you can. I learned the hard way this morning."

_Ivy: The 'hard way,' you might ask? Well, if you are familiar with the kids show Barney the Dinosaur, along with the phrase 'blasting nonstop,' then you should know exactly what I'm talking about._

"Uh huh. We'll keep that in mind." said Zasalamel. "Right, Kilik?"

Kilik was too busy texting someone on his cellphone to notice. Zasalamel stomped on his foot, causing him to jump.

"Oh, right!" Kilik answered quickly. "Say..."

He hastily looked up and down the long table, hoping no one except Zasalamel and Ivy could hear him. To his relief, people were either asleep, just eating their breakfast, or having other conversations with fellow housemates to notice.

"Listen, what's with Voldo today?" Kilik motioned his head to the right, where Voldo was sitting about six seats away. "I mean, he's usually real freaky and shit, but today he just seems out of it. Just take one good look at him now and you'll see what I mean."

"Hm, he does seem a little weird today, but that's just him." said Zasalamel looking up at Voldo.

"It's not just him." Kilik answered, buttering a croissant on his plate. "Seriously, look!"

Voldo was sitting down in his seat, and wobbling slightly. Instead of trying to eat his cinnamon roll, Voldo looked like he had just gotten kicked in the head by a horse. None of the other housemates except Zasalamel, Ivy, and Kilik seemed to notice him. People were either absorbed in their food, themselves, or ranting about Link.

"Kilik, what are you---"

"Not now, Ivy. Wait, listen!"

And sure enough, several seats away Voldo quietly mumbled to himself while trying to sit up straight.

"Grrrrr...Damn gold diggers...grrrrrr..."

Neither one of the three said anything.But after about five minutes of silence, Ivy decided to speak up.

"How long has this behavior been going on for?" Ivy asked quietly. "This 'gold digger' nonsense?"

"All throughout breakfast." Kilik answered promptly. "Hey, I think this is the first time he's said something besides _grrr, _right? I always thought he was mute and couldn't say a word, but I guess I'm wrong."

"Aren't we all." Zasalamel said to both Ivy and Kilik. "It's always a possibility that he could have a funny day, even though most of his days are like that. You know, all wired and crazy and what not."

"Should we try talking to Voldo? Maybe we could get something interesting out of all this. Gossip or other information that is juicy?" Ivy asked with a slight grin on her face.

_Kilik: Gossip is an interesting word. And so is information. Information makes the word 'blackmail' just as useful. Using this 'info,' I might be able to 'blackmail' Voldo or some of the other housemates around here. You know, they always say to keep your friends and family close. For the time being both Ivy and Zasalamel would fall under the 'friend' category. _But _it's also said to keep your enemies closer. I suppose Zasalamel and Ivy could fit perfectly in the 'enemy' category, too. We're all on this gameshow for ourselves, right?_

Just about when Voldo was about to collapse in a bowl of oatmeal Link appeared through the large double doors, causing everyone in the room to stare. Link is dressed in his usual green elf hat, but this time is clad in a large white and purple robe with polka dots as well as his pink bunny slippers that were first show in Chapter 2. The whole room became silent, a became filled with the evil stares of the housemates. Even a half-asleep Voldo is looking angrier than normal.

_Link: When I entered the dining hall I assumed everyone was looking at me because of my elf hat and pink bunny slippers. Not to mention the purple and white polka dot robe as well. Then again, _why _would these people be giving me death glares because of my clothes? I mean, _seriously!

"Good morning, fellow housemates!" Link told loudly before sitting down at the head of the table.

Various mutterings of 'good morning,' 'blustery wind head,' 'asshole,' and other negative around the room, all of which did not reach Link.

"Here is a quick reminder to all of you: The first team activity will take place today at half past eleven this morning, and if anyone is late then their team will be disqualified!"

"Link," Sophitia began, raising her hand. "What if both teams have people who are missing?"

Several people nodded their heads in agreement. Link frowned slightly while reaching past Talim on his left for an orange.

"Hm, excellent question Sophie." Link started, peeling the orange. "Well, then both teams will suffer---"

"---Death by deapitation?" Seong-Mina, who was sitting in the middle of the large table, finished for him. Link frowned slightly.

"No, Mina, you're _way_ off on that one. They'll be no food for a week if people from both teams don't show. I'll be the only one eating around here if people are missing."

"Link," Ivy asked with a slight hint of curiousity from the other end of the long dining table, "What's so _special _about this activity that you'd punish people harshly for not showing up?"

"Oh, you'll see soon. Soon my dear, soon..."

There were quiet mutterings of great annoyance and suspicion around the tables as Link finished, and soon the dining room was back to its usual hustle and bustle. Link sat down at the head of the table, with Sophitia to his left and a muffin-eating Raphael to his right.

Raphael appeared to be trying to get Sophitia's attention, but she didn't notice him at all. Link on the other hand, completely ignored both of them and took a bite of a large cantaloupe slice.

"Hey, Sophie!" Raphael said from across the table. Sophitia was already absorbed in a conversation with Taki, and tried not to take notice of the Frenchman.

"Taki, did you just hear something?" Sophitia asked sarcastically, nibbling on an apple.

"Hm, I believe I did." Taki answered, not bothering to look at Raphael. "It must be the wind, or something. Now wouldn't Talim be interested in that? The wind..."

"She most certainly would be, but that wasn't a breeze. It sounded more like an enemy player. Maybe if we ignore him he'll go away."

Raphael groaned. All he had was a question to ask, and nothing more. He'd normally flirt, but now wasn't the best time.

_Raphael: Yes, I admit it. I'm usually the kind of guy who flirts with women---and sometimes attractive objects of all sorts, but this time I only have a question. Geez, ever since we were all divided into two teams people have been turned against each other, and crazy shit like that._

"Link," Raphael whispered quickly in the elf's long ear, "Could ya ask Sophitia for me about Cassandra's---?"

"Raphael, I'm not a frickin' messager, for Christ's sake. Ask the Greek Goddess yourself." Link answered in a mouthful of cantaloupe.

"But couldn't you---"

"---No can do, Raph. Ask her later, and she might not be as bitchy as what she is now."

Sophitia whipped around dangerously, ceasing her conversation with Taki. This time, Link looked quite scared indeed.

Across the long table Ivy, Kilik, and Zasalamel watched Sophitia's palm dig itself into Link's cheek. And of course, for practically the whole day Link would have a souvenir of that exact moment---a large white handprint.

"Isn't Sophitia suppossed to be the good girl around here?" Zasalamel asked, slightly shocked.

"It's 'Miss Goody-Goody,' to be exact. That's what I dubbed her yesterday when we all arrived here. But I'm sure she has many nicknames by this point, right?" Ivy answered briskly.

"I always thought everyone should call her Sophi_tit_ia, if you get my drift." Kilik grinned, giving Zasalamel a high five. Ivy's eyes narrowed dangerously.

_Ivy: So _that's _what is now, huh? It almost sounded as if Kilik was comparing her to me! I'd say it's pretty obvious at who is on top around here!_

"Quite amusing." Ivy told Kilik cooly. She stood up, glancing at the large grandfather clock to her left. "I must be off, for the time being everyone has about three hours until the first activity. And remember, it's at half past eleven, so don't be late!"

Kilik and Zasalamel watched Ivy walk out of the room quickly, glancing at each other after she'd left the room.

"Meh, she must be PMS-ing too, right?" Kilik asked Zasalamel, spearing a sausage on his fork.

"I wouldn't know, at least I'm not one of them. I don't get them, but I can't live without 'em.

But then again, Voldo's the only thing around here that could pass off as a woman."

* * *

A/N: This chapter was really supposed to be longer, but I decided to leave it here. The next chapter is mainly going to be fluff---but I might add in the first task there too. 

I've been really brain dead this past month...and of course all of you can tell 'cause of my lack of updates. When I first came up with BBZ everything was fresh in my mind and thought I had everything planned out.

Apparently not.

I hope I can cure myself of this 'writers-block-disorder' before things eventually get too out of hand.

-Abzan342


End file.
